This Is Fatigue

So I decided a few days ago that I would try Whole30 again. Today is Day 1, and it’s a great day to remind me why I’m doing this.

I woke up late this morning, by about two and a half hours. No biggy. It’s Sunday. I can afford to sleep in. I fed the cats, checked to make sure my computer hadn’t miraculously healed itself overnight (it hadn’t),* took a shower, and made myself a great Whole30 breakfast of bacon-wrapped shrimp and veggies. I was feeling pretty good and looking forward to church and a library visit.

Then, it hit me. I felt like I hadn’t slept in a week. All I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and take a long nap, and it was only 10:30 am. I had nothing left in me to give anyone, even myself.

Going to church, surrounded by energy-sapping people, was out of the question. The library even seemed like a far trek, though slightly more doable because I knew no one would try to talk to me.

I was immediately disappointed. I wanted to go out and do things. Hell, I’d even be happy to stay in and do things! I would love to be doing laundry or cleaning my apartment right now.

But no. I’m sitting on the couch, writing this on my phone because the things I normally eat are hurting my body and causing it to sap my energy in an attempt to heal itself. That’s why I’m doing Whole30, not to lose weight or follow some fad. I’m doing it so my body can stop stressing and allow me to live my life.

Fuck, I’m sick of this.

*I dropped my computer last night, and it won’t turn on.

Author: Rose Virginia Butler

Rose Virginia Butler was raised among the fairies in the foothills of northern California, where she learned the magic of storytelling from a variety of wizards, witches, mermaids, and superheroes. To her chagrin, she was never kidnapped by pirates or abducted by aliens, but she managed to find adventure in the most boring place of all: school. In her teens, she began a lifelong battle with the demons Depression and Anxiety, which she currently has under her thumb with the help of some very powerful potions and spells. She presently works as an administrative assistant in Winters, California, a magical land known the world over for farmers, steak, and a certain country music singer we’re not supposed to make a fuss about. At the end of 2016, she became a true Phoenix, and since then, she’s been befriending dragons, hunting things, and time traveling. Every November, she straightens her Viking helmet and captains the Yolo County ship for NaNoWriMo alongside Elisabeth Kauffman.

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