Romancing the Stone Gender Bender Remake Cast

Excuse me while I have some fun. I’m watching Romancing the Stone right now, and I was thinking how cool it would be to see a (well-done) remake. Then I thought to myself, Self, what if the genders of all the characters were reversed? Well now, that would be something! So, without further ado, here is who I would cast:

Ira/Irene (orig. Zack Norman): Julianne Moore
Ralph/Ruby (orig. Danny Devito): Melissa McCarthy
Dr./Col. Zolo (orig. Manuel Ojeda): Salma Hayek
Elaine/Eddie (orig. Mary Ellen Trainor): Zac Efron
Gloria/Gabe (orig. Holland Taylor): Ben Affleck
Juan/Juanita (orig. Alfonso Arau): Elizabeth Rodriguez
Jack/Jackie (orig. Michael Douglas): Zoe Saldana
Joan/John (orig. Kathleen Turner): Ryan Reynolds

I mean, really, wouldn’t you just love to hear Julianne Moore say, “Look at those snappers, Ruby.” Elizabeth Rodriguez saying, “John Wilder? The John Wilder?” Can’t you just see Zoe Saldana shooting at Salma Hayek, mumbling about how she should have listened to her mother and become a cosmetic surgeon? Ryan Reynolds, crying over the ending of his new romance novel and saying, “Oh God, that’s good!”

Hollywood, I expect to be made an executive producer and receive a portion of the royalties on what is sure to be a blockbuster hit. kthnxbai

Author: Rose Virginia Butler

Rose Virginia Butler was raised among the fairies in the foothills of northern California, where she learned the magic of storytelling from a variety of wizards, witches, mermaids, and superheroes. To her chagrin, she was never kidnapped by pirates or abducted by aliens, but she managed to find adventure in the most boring place of all: school. In her teens, she began a lifelong battle with the demons Depression and Anxiety, which she currently has under her thumb with the help of some very powerful potions and spells. She presently works as an administrative assistant in Winters, California, a magical land known the world over for farmers, steak, and a certain country music singer weโ€™re not supposed to make a fuss about. At the end of 2016, she became a true Phoenix, and since then, sheโ€™s been befriending dragons, hunting things, and time traveling. Every November, she straightens her Viking helmet and captains the Yolo County ship for NaNoWriMo alongside Elisabeth Kauffman.

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